Wednesday, October 8, 2008

butterfly flutters

I am now just nesting at home, waiting for my small rat to eventually decide to enter into this grand world. EDD is actually on 13 Oct and I have been receiving smses and msn messages from well meaning friends as to if I have finally popped on a daily basis!

So while waiting for my small rat to arrive, I wanted to blog down some thoughts and feelings when I can still remember them. :o)

One of the most enjoyable and amazing experience of being pregnant is to have my BB move inside me. I suppose God is fair because in my bro's blog, he mentioned that it is kinda unfair that the guy does not get to experience the movements. Pondering on this, well,I have decided that it is a Mother's privilege. 'Cos we are the ones who have to carry the small munchkin and go through all the emotional (not to mention physical) changes and challenges, I guess being able to feel our BB's movements is a "compensation" if you will. :p

I started feeling small 'romantic' butterfly flutters in my 15th week, which I understand is way early for a first time mummy. When it first happened, I was wondering how on earth I can possibly be hungry again; I thought that it was my stomach growling. When it happened a few minutes later, I realised that it is actually my BB's movements! Even now as I reflect and recall that magical moment, I get goosebumps and I have a silly smile on my face. I think it was then that the pregnancy was more 'real' for me.

Only downside was that my husband could not relish in the same joy since he could not feel a single thing until perhaps in the 5th month when the movements was more pronounced.

Fast forward to my 39th week. The once romantic flutters are no longer that romantic! My small rat has since grown to a full term size and is much stronger. Hence, the gentle tai chi moves are now more like bruce lee flying kicks! There are many a time when my stomach would stretch so badly that it is lop sided. Worse, my small rat likes to curl up on my left side and all the movements are mainly on that side 90% of the time. My husband is also in awe at the small rat's strength as she is most often most active between 9+ to 11+pm. The movements would be so BIG and hard that my husband would sometimes go "fwah"! On some occasions, the kicks actually do hurt but this is a small price to pay to be able to feel my baby moving inside me, this miracle of life.

To be able to grow something from just an egg and a sperm and then having it evolving into a cell and then a beanie and then taking on a more human form where it has nails, eyes, bones, its own organs, etc., is such a humbling experience. Such is the miracle of life. And I thank God everyday for keeping us safe and healthy and for blessing my family with a chance to experience such a wonder.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

absolutely clueless

I am the first to readily admit, I am absolutely clueless when it comes to babies.

Ask me anything about dogs and I will most likely have a response - opinion, sharing, feedback, etc. For e.g.:

- you can use olive oil (not the cooking type!) for minor skin problems such as bites, rashes, etc.)
- use cornflour if your dog has a minor cut to stop the bleeding as it helps with clogging
- use some anti-septic powder on your fingertips when plucking hair from the ears (smell nice and it helps with preventing infection)

Hence, you can only imagine how lost I was when I was looking at a baby items list which I picked up from Taka in March during the babyfair. My first experience was this:

Out of curiosity, how many of you actually know what it is?

My assistant at work, at the ripe 'old' age of 25 pointed out to me such an item and said "oh look! so cute! look at the print! they have a suzy's zoo diaper stacker!"

I was like WHAT??? THAT IS A DIAPER STACKER? WHATEVER DO WE NEED ONE FOR??? I swear, I have never seen one in my entire life!!!

And that was just the beginning. I have since made dunno how many calls and MSN my bro dunno how many times to ask about baby's stuff.

"gor, for newborn babies, if i intend to BF, do i even need bottles? i do? ai yoh, what size - is 125ml the correct one? and oh, robinsons having 20% off, is it an OK deal?"

"gor, do we even need a steriliser - can we not just use hot water and sterilising tablet?"

"gor, for NBs' rompers, should buy sleeves or no sleeves or what?"

"gor, for cot and stroller hor, what to look out for? huh? so many things to consider? can you just give it to me in summarised bullet points?"

hahahahahahahahahahaaa... my poor brother simply has no peace lah... Over the stroller issue, I must have MSN him like 101 questions... Sigh...

And just when I thought I am slowly getting the hang of it *smug look on my face* and has completed like 65% of the Taka list, my buddy - angela, gave me another list and guess what! I am not even 30% there!

And on both list, one of the items is "Baby Oil" - whatever is that for? Cant I just use the Olive Oil that I have which I got for my two lovely cocker spaniels for beanie instead???!??? -____-

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

come to mama!

With Mother's Day just over, I cannot help but feel a little nostalgic. And especially now with beanie on the way, my thoughts and feelings towards Mother's Day is a bit different.

Recently a colleague asked me what sorta mum I think I am or will become. That question got me stuck and thinking for a while. See, I have been blessed with a fabulous mum. Though sometimes I am a bit too curt and impatient with my mum, there is no denying the amount of love and importantly, respect I have for her.

My parents are not very highly educated but I do think that my bro and I turned out pretty well. We are not dis-respectful, have pretty strong family values and beliefs and are doing OK in corporate world. Importantly, my bro and I are very close. Next to my husband, my bro is my other best friend. I think I have to give my parents credit for that, for instilling that family value and closeness in us since young. Till now, my bro and I chat with each other everyday. But of course, being an elder brother, he does all the annoying things a brother naturally does... Opps, I think I may have digress a bit. Let's get back to my mum.

My mum, 'cos of her lack of education, had to do pretty manual labour to make a living. Since young, I remember she had to do 2 jobs just to get the family going. It was especially bad as my dad was affected by the 1985/86 recession and was jobless. My mum never once complained and I remembered she was just this steam roller that just continues on and on. Additionally, my brother was quite a sickly child when he was young and had to undergo a few fairly major operations. My mum would somehow manage to cook the necessary tonic and bring it to the hospital and still do her 2 jobs. She also in her best capability tried to provide the best education for my bro and I, getting us tutors and courses to attend and sending me to study music for 11 years, etc.

How do I then compare myself to such a selfless and devoted mother?

One of my other colleagues who was participating in the conversation then turned the question around - how would I wish my beanie to turn out? My first reply was 'DEFINITELY NOT LIKE ME!' I recognise that I am not an easy child to raise and am so headstrong, impatient and short fused. It would be frightening to imagine if beanie were to be a mini-me!!! Ironic ain't it?

For all the wonderful sacrifices my mum made over the years, for all her tears, sweat, sleepless hours and worries she carried with her, I salute this wonderful being - MUMMY, I LOVE YOU. I could not ask for a better mother and if I end up doing half of a job as you did to bring us up, I would be deliriously happy already.

With my beanie on the way, I really do not know what sort of parenting style or mother I would be. So, I only have this to say to beanie:

"Sweetheart, I cannot give you the world's best but I sure will give you my best. And I shall look forward to the day you will be able to say to me the same words that I say to my mum here, "MUMMY I LOVE YOU" and I shall also look forward to the day that you are able to read these entries and know how much Daddy and I look forward to having and seeing you and how much we love and treasure you. Perhaps one day, you will also be a parent and think of me with fond memories. And I thank God for the day He put you in me and bringing you into this world for us, for keeping you safe and healthy and importantly, happy. May the Lord continue to walk with you, watch over you and bless you.

Love, Mummy"

Friday, May 9, 2008


I meant to blog about this earlier but somehow got stuck in the rut of the rat race... :(

Whenever I do my scans during my visits to the gynae, it is always a very surreal experience. 'Cos I am blessed with no morning sickness as well as a good appetite, hence I did not feel remotely pregnant in the first trimester. In fact all the way till the 10th week, my appetite was so good that I need to eat once every 3 hours or so.

The only time when it feels a bit more 'real' is when the scans are done. And my goodness, what an experience they are. The first time I did my scan, I was in my 5th week and all I could see was a water bag. Basically my gynae, Dr. Ong, wanted to ensure that the position of the bag is correct and it is not an ectopic pregnancy. My 2nd scan was during my 7th week and it was to check if there is a heartbeat. It was a really magical experience to actually see this small little black dot blipping away on the screen!

Dr. Ong also turned up the doppler and we could hear our BB's heartbeat for the first time and boy, was it loud and fast! It sounded (and still does actually) like a horse galloping! I could not for the life of me, imagine that this small little dot is actually a life and would grow to be a mini 'us'!

My 3rd scan was during my 10th week because I was cramping and spotting and Dr. Ong just wanted to ensure that the baby still has a heartbeat. We went in there, not knowing what to expect and you can once again imagine our surprise to see that the small black dot has evolved into a kidney bean shape looking thing - hence, the name of this blog site: beanie. :o) I am sure all parents-to-be and parents can understand what we went through, the experience was totally surreal. That this beanie would, at the end of the term, evolve into a human with its own traits and preferences and hopefully, would one day be someone useful to the society.

Hence, we always look forward to our gynae visits to see our child being 'baked-in-progress' and what it is up to. And as the pregnancy progresses, we learnt that we have more things to look forward to! I remember during my 13th week NT scan, Dr. Ong had such a hard time as beanie was performing.... A HEADSTAND! And during my most recent scan where we were trying to determine its gender, beanie was seated in a full lotus position. Ha ha ha ha... These small little antics our beanie does just brings a smile to my face as the memories surface.

Being not very maternal and not exactly into babies, I used to worry if I love my own kid. Seriously. I know it sounds ridiculous but I did feel that way. However, I just realise as I am blogging this down and regaling all these tales, I am already half in love with beanie - antics and all! :o)

Beanie @ 10 weeks (look closely and you may just be able to spot its small buds of hands and legs!)

Beanie @ 10 weeks (close up)

Monday, April 28, 2008

Does size matter?

My original intention was to blog based on the various stages of my pregnancy but I have decided to blog based on my train of thoughts instead as and when inspiration strikes. :)

I realise after being pregnant that your bump is no longer your business. Everyone (well, almost everyone I concede) has an opinion on the size of your bump. I have comments ranging from colleagues telling me that they are not able to tell at all (my bump is usually quite flat in the mornings) to some telling me that it is VERY BIG for 4 months.

I went for a pre-natal massage on Sat (my experience on this will be another posting) and I was seated there waiting patiently for my masseur. When the nice Malay lady finally appeared, she asked me in shock "OH, YOU ARE EXPECTING?" To which I said "YUP". And she prompted "How many months? 3???" To which my reply was "NOPE, 4." "BUT YOU ARE SO SMALLLLLLL!!!!" she gasped in shock as her voice trailed off.

On the other hand, I have my brother saying my bump is big! (Which I feel is not quite a 'fair' comparison because my SIL apparently lost like 4KG in her first trimester). Hence, I feel a bit annoyed 'cos I am so confused - why do people like to keep commenting on the size of my bump and worse, the comments vary so greatly?

My masseur was so concerned that she repeatedly asks me if I have SEVERE morning sickness and if the gynae did check on my BB's growth. To which I think I must have rolled my eyes as I told her that I have NO morning sickness at all. Yup, you got that right. None, Zip, Zero, Nada and my appetite is very good as long as it is not chinese food and it is not seafood.

Hence, with all these wide ranging comments, for a first time MTB, one cannot help but be worried and off I went to weigh myself. Imagine my shock to find out that my weight now is about half a kg lighter than my pre-preggie weight. Now, I do know that a lot of you would say that it is normal for MTBs to lose weight in the first trimester, but not when you are eating like a horse like me and already into her 4th month! And that led me to call my gynae where I was told that as long as I am eating well and am not throwing up (which leads to dehydration), I should be fine.

I do wonder if there are other ladies out there like me where comments on the bump size range so widely... Does size really matter?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Written in Feb when I first found out:

Seriously, seriously. I must have blinked like more than 10 times before I realized it was not old age but the pink symbol on the window is indeed a “+” sign and in pink, no less.

See, I have been experiencing stressed cycles where my period has gone berserk on me. I even had a scheduled appointment with my gynae to review my cycle just to ensure that I am still in the pink of health and did not really think that I actually conceived.

I was actually pretty calm and in a way, I was quite numb where neither deliriously happy nor edgy nervous. It was 7am in the morning, by the way. Common sense prevailed in the next min and I ran out, holding the stick in my hand, to wake my husband up.

“Honey”, I prodded gently as he was also gently snoring away. “Honey”, I tried again. Slowly he opened his eyes in a daze and looked up at me. I could see that he was trying to focus on that “thing” I held up in my hand. I exclaimed, “We are pregnant!”
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